Thursday, September 4, 2014

Garden: The End

Yesterday the kids and I pulled up the garden and put everything away.  We had a fantastic summer of growing even with our crappy weather.  Having that greenhouse built (I love you husband!!) really made my summer fun.  I am already planning for what I want to grow in there next spring.

I have two tables set up in the house now with tomatoes, peppers, and squash still growing.  Heating the greenhouse wasn't very cost effective and I have the space with great lighting in my dining room. 

I did well with the haul of veggies this year.  We dug up 75lbs of spuds and had probably already eaten 20lbs this summer.  Carrots were kinda sad.... maybe 5lbs in the bucket?  We ate them for the last month too, but this year was nothing like last year!  My fridge is full of cucumbers for us to eat and pickles have been made.  My freezer has about 20 cups of homemade pasta sauce from my tomatoes and I am hoping the rest ripen up here in the house so I can stash away a bit more.  The peppers are really producing now and the few squash I have I am hoping to actually be able to eat them in a few weeks!


This mama knows how to make her kids work!

Lots of potatoes!

Sad amount of carrots!

Empty until next season.

So bare!

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Getting out of that funk

While I have my shit days once every couple of months, I am very thankful that they are not longer lasting.  I have a few days of feeling blue and then I am able to pull myself out with some reflection on the issue, a bit of writing, confiding in friends, and quiet time.   Am I depressed?  I don't really think so.  Do I have anxiety?  Yeah, I think so.  Maybe some body dysmorphic disorder?   

Sometimes I wonder if medications would help, but I really don't think I am at that point.  I think I need more help in techniques to help me realize my bad days, what leads to them, and how to work through them without eating or lashing out at others.  I need to work on having more self confidence.  Trusting that I am loved by those around me.  Feeling strong in my role as a mother, wife, and friend.

I took time with just my family on the weekend.  I caught up on sleep.  Then I came home and got to work in my garden and my kitchen.  Keeping myself busy with my kids and around the house really does wonders for my mental health and general outlook on life.

So over the last few days the boys and I have picked raspberries and made jam.  I have tended to my garden and put up a number of jars of homemade pasta sauce.  We have gone for walks and played board games.  Watched a movie with my husband.  And baked a heap of stuff for a Farmer's Market.  I feel good.

My garden and greenhouse are awesome.

I have now canned 15 cups of pasta sauce.

Gardening really is good for the soul

Some of the bread for a bake sale.

Baking and canning really does relieve stress for me!

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Brutally Hard

Again, over this last week it hit me how much emotional turmoil is left in the wake of extreme weight loss.  And it is brutally hard.  So brutally hard that I was bawling my eyes out in my friend's truck.

The six feet of scars I have from my reconstructive skin surgery are nothing in comparison to the emotional scars I have from a lifetime of obesity. 

The stares. 
The hurtful comments. 
Being left out.
Being left behind.
Children pointing and laughing.
Adults pointing and laughing.

Those emotional scars have left in their wake a woman with feelings of very little self worth, very little self esteem, and very little self confidence. 

Not really how I pictured myself nearly three years out of having weight loss surgery.  I dreamt I would feel amazing, not just physically but emotionally.  But I am just not there yet.

I have my up weeks and then my down days.  Thankfully my up time lasts a lot longer than my down, but that down time is absolutely exhausting.  Is this just normal?  Does everyone experience this? 

I am still learning how to deal with my emotions without eating.  I am not used to feeling these ups and downs and I really don't know how to deal with them.  I would rather just binge eat instead of feeling those bleak moments.  The emotions overwhelm me and I don't know what to do.  I retreat inwards, shut down, feel lost and alone.

It is hard not having anyone to talk to in person who understands what I am experiencing.  I have friends online that I can talk to who have had dramatic weight loss, and many of them are going through the same experiences.  At least I know I am not alone.

Getting in some quiet time; trying to recharge after a hard week.

The Call of the Fall

Driving home to Faro this weekend I noticed the leaves have already started turning yellow and you know what that means!


Yes, my favorite time of the year is nearly here and I am just a wee bit giddy about it.  We have a few more family camping/hunting trips planned through the rest of August and then into September.  This year we will be spending October in Cape Breton visiting family and friends, so I need to cram all my fall activities into the next seven weeks.

Summer is coming to an end, and boy was it ever a great one.  This last week was hectic with the boys in day camps in Whitehorse, but it ended with our family out camping at Twin Lakes and that was the relaxation that I was needing to recharge.  The kids loved their camps and I enjoyed my time with a few other Faro mum's and lots of kid-free shopping!  Both boys are already talking about what sort of camps they would like to attend next year. 

Canada Games Centre FUN-damentals Camp.  Hockey, soccer, swimming, and even tennis!

Equinox Adventure Camp!  I think Hunter loved the bus more than anything else!

Happy family at Twin Lakes!

This mama needed some book time.

Zombie crib!

Exhausted kids.  Not even the light on for me to read (fall is definitely here now that I need to turn on a lamp in the camper to read) woke them.

We kayaked out to a secret island!

Kayaking with my wild child.

What a summer.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Back to School.... for the Mum!

Just three more weeks until the boys head back to school, but this mama has already beaten them to getting started this year.

I haven't worked a full time job now in seven years.  Seven years.  Wow, that time has gone by so quickly.  After finishing a wildlife degree and an education degree, I spent four years teaching adult education in the NWT and Nunavut.  I loved the work, but once we moved to Faro I realized we could live off of one salary and chose to be a stay-at-home parent.

During these seven years I have done some work.  For about a year and a half I worked creating and editing high school study guides, I was hired by the school to clean out and organize their science labs, and of course there has been my crafting.

The school has asked me every year, a few times a year, if I want to teach but it would just make our lives much too busy and stressful.  I love that I have time to volunteer around town and in the school, and sit on a few committees.  If I was working full or part time I am pretty sure a lot of that would have to be dropped.

But in just one more year, both of my boys will be in school full time and I will have six hours a day to do something.  I thought about expanding my crafting, but that is a very sedentary activity and I think I just want to keep it as my hobby.

So what am I doing?

Well, I am now planning on becoming a Certified Personal Trainer and Certified Nutrition Coach!  I have started my courses in both areas and am enjoying them a lot so far.  I can do almost all of my certification online, but I will head to Vancouver sometime this year to take one of the courses in person.  I am a total nerd and love to study!  I have notes, coloured pens, and flashcards all going at the kitchen table.

My plan is to finish the course work over this next year while Cavan is in school still just part time.  Once both of them are full time I will start up my own small business at our little gym in Faro.  I will be able to work one-on-one with clients helping them with their exercise and nutrition goals.  There is also funding from other groups that I can apply for to help me run programs for people in town at a low cost to them.  Another area I am looking to get into is exercise for seniors.  There are courses I can take after I get my certification that will allow me to do this! 

I was really nervous when even thinking about taking these classes.  While I have lost a lot of weight, I still do not see myself as an incredibly fit person.  Whenever I have thought of a personal trainer, I just thought of someone super buff who runs marathons or something along those lines.  But I think I can bring a lot of personal experience clients because of my weight loss and all the positive changes I have made in my life.

It is also a job that will keep me on track by keeping me in the gym and my mind on nutrition.  It is all to easy for me to slack off going to the gym and even easier to turn back to poor eating habits.  But if I have to be at the gym to workout with clients and talk to them about nutrition, all the more reason for me to be accountable.

Earning a few dollars will be nice, but mainly I just want to do it as something to keep me busy and motivated.  Hopefully it does the trick!

And now, time to get my nose back into my text book.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Camp... Garden... Camp.... Garden....

Camping and gardening have definitely been the theme of this summer!  The boys and I have now spent 30 nights out camping.  Too bad my poor husband has been left behind for most of that, however he insists it hasn't been that bad.  Matt has been scratching a lot of projects off of his to-do list this summer while we have been away (building the greenhouse and wood shed, gravel fill stairs for the backyard, and lots of little projects that have been put off for a long time). 

July is nearly over and I am sure hoping for another few hot spells for my garden and for camping!  Right now though, it is so chilly in my house that I want to light a fire.  The rain is pouring down and it just feels like fall. 

At Fox Lake Campground

Happy to be camping with their friends!

Fox Lake

My garden is really starting to produce!

Out fishing

Taking Hunter for a leap off the dock at Frenchman Lake.

Family water fight at Frenchman Lake.

Dog pile at Little Salmon Lake

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

True Story

My friend found this in her nine year old daughter's journal when everything came home from school for the summer. 

True story.

On Monday my friend Hunter fell in drury creek current and i saved Hunter.  "Hunter i'll save you!" "Help! cold cold cold"
This was from one of the camping trips we did in May to Little Salmon Lake.  Hunter fell off a rock and his friend Lydia helped him out.  Pretty awesome drawing of the event!